Grace in Chaos

I know that no one wants me to be their child’s doctor and the way I burst into their life is beyond comprehension. Their child is sick and everyone is scared. There are so many questions and not enough answers. They get assigned to me, a stranger, who will be their guide through the next months and years of therapy. They don’t get the luxury of researching me beforehand to see if I will be a good fit for their family. I simply get thrust into their lives and they know virtually nothing about me. And yet…they somehow find the grace to accept the situation and move forward. It’s so hard to put into words all of the life lessons I have learned from my kids and my families and how I get more from them than they get from me, but perhaps one small story will help to illustrate my point.

I had the joy of taking care of a precious little girl who was the apple of her mommy and daddy’s eye. Unfortunately, her cancer returned after a beautiful year of remission. At that point, she was seeing me every three months after routine scans.  Normally, I would just give the results when I saw her in clinic and we would catch up and laugh at her daughter dancing circles.  This time, the scans showed a relapse and I didn’t want mom to be there by herself so I called the day before to tell her to bring dad with her.   The minute I said, “Hi this is Dr. Rhoades” she knew that her beautiful child had relapsed.  It was mother’s intuition combined with an out of place phone call that cemented her fears.

The next day when they came to clinic, the first thing her mother said to me was “Oh my gosh! You’re pregnant! I am so sorry you had to tell me that news yesterday while you were pregnant! That must be so hard.”

Silence ~ Tears

These beautiful people are the reason I continue to go on.   How can someone so beautiful exist in this world and how lucky am I to know her and be a part of her life?

To all my families and patients – It is a privilege and an honor to be a part of your team. You bring me joy and laughter, you make me think, you challenge me, you show me grace, you show me love, you teach me gratitude, but most of all, you guide me to find the best version of myself.

#ChildhoodCancer365 #morethanfour

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2 thoughts on “Grace in Chaos

  1. I read with tears in my eyes and feelings of inadequacy for the little that I contribute to a world in which you are a goddess. Carry on you are such an inspiration.

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