A little over a year has passed since I had my son. He is the sweetest and most laid back child. He is completely different than my daughter and I love that about the two of them. The only thing that they have in common besides their parents is that they appear to be the non-sleeping models. I would estimate that it has been a solid 4 years since I have slept through the night for more than a night or two. The definition of sleeping through the night for me is pretty liberal – anything more than 5 hours is a slam dunk in our house. I can drink two grande nitro coffees (just break the rules and give me a Venti!) from Starbucks in under 20 minutes and not shake; apparently even my caffeine receptors are tired.
We didn’t sleep train our kids and both of them were breastfed for a year. Maybe this is the reason for the lack of sleep or maybe it isn’t. Maybe they’re just not the sleeping model of child we had ordered. The thing is, it doesn’t matter. We did what we did and we’re doing what we’re doing. I’m by no means a perfect parent and there are days I have NO IDEA what I am doing. However, after treating hundreds of kids and their families, along with my 4 year foray into parenthood, I’ve made some observations along the way. Here’s ten of them in no particular order:
- Children need their parent (biologic or otherwise) to be there and love them unconditionally. I mean really be there. Be that safe place for them to act a crazy fool, to voice their frustrations and fears, exalt in happiness, to FAIL and to be there when they pick themselves back up. If you can do that, then the rest is just bonus.
- Toddlers can exist on shockingly low amounts of food.
- Your kids will forgive you. We will all wish we had done something differently, kept our cool a little longer or put down the phone more often. The thing is, kids don’t need or want you or their life to be perfect. We all know perfection doesn’t exist, so teach them how to forgive imperfections.
- Sleep is a moving target (assuming when they hit 16 I’ll be not sleeping for other reasons, so I am preparing for the sleep deficit to be indefinite).
- It’s OK not to love every minute of being a parent. Having a child alligator death roll in the aisle of Target whilst screaming “I’m not throwing a fit!” is not what I would call fun or enjoyable. Also, dinner time – while sometimes it’s great, sometimes it’s also a disaster. I assume that I’ll feel the same way about other things as my children age…like homework and STAAR testing. It’s OK to be tired and need a break. It doesn’t make you a bad parent.
- Children don’t need a martyr parent. You don’t want them to grow up to be martyrs I assume. Model self-care.
- Use Pinterest only if you like it and can walk away guilt free.
- SNACK is a four letter word.
- Find joy in each day and revel in the human experience. Rejoice in happiness and confront the pain. This is what makes us human and unites us. Bearing witness to the pain I see every day has made this crystal clear.
- Outside of #1, there are no right answers when it comes to parenting.
