Well well. Here I am in the last month of 2018. Let’s just say that from mid-September until now, it has been sheer chaos. Chaos of a good kind, but chaos nonetheless. I’ve really tried to keep up with some sort of daily posting about Childhood Cancer either on my Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram accounts as part of my promise to post daily throughout 2018 on Childhood Cancer. There have been days that I failed and I felt bad about it, but then I just had to Let It Go! ❄
You made it through the first paragraph, so let me tell you what I have been up to.
1. School – I have talked a few times about still being in school. I am in a Ph.D graduate program that is unique for physicians. This program requires some classwork which I hope to have complete in another week (if I get a good enough grade!). It also requires some independent research (cool – that’s kind of my jam) and a fair amount of oversight. After a mere 180 hours of credit work, I am eligible for a Ph.D. in Clinical Investigation. It’s an interesting degree that is unique to MDs. This is supposed to teach you how to design and run a good clinical trial. Cool, so what makes a good clinical trial?
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- It asks an important question.
- It minimizes risks to the trial participants
- It’s feasible to run the trial.
- You have the resources to run the trial.
- The trial can be run in a timely manner.
- The trial can be run with good conduct (shortcuts are not allowed and hurt everyone!)
- You design the trial to ask as many questions as possible, without undermining the main question.
This school thing though…ohmygosh. It has really sucked the life out of my weekends. That is a hard thing to swallow with two small kids at home. On the one hand, I’m glad my daughter sees me working towards a goal, even when it’s not easy nor convenient. On the other hand, it totally stinks and I feel like I miss out on the little time I have with my littles. Cheers to being almost done! 🍸
2. Work – I love my job so much and I truly believe I have extraordinarily high job satisfaction. However, the one thing I never realized about academic medicine is just how many presentations it involves. For a month and a half, I felt like I was prepping more presentations about work, than actually doing any work! Wait – that wasn’t a feeling that was reality! So. Many. Presentations.
3. Travel – with presentations comes travel. Not gonna lie – travel alone always sounds awesome, until I actually do it. Then, there I am – still waking up in the middle of the night expecting my kids to need me and not being able to fall asleep. I am working on better coping skills to being away from them because I kind of suck at it. I do it because I have to, but I honestly don’t enjoy it as much as I could or should.
4. New Responsibilities – at work! I have taken the role of Medical Director of our Adolescent and Young Adult Program. Building out a program from the ground up has been eye opening. I am loving this role and learning so much. I have a lot more to learn and even more to accomplish. Whenever a new role or responsibility is placed upon you, the learning curve is steep. Steep it has been.
5. Family – we have had family illnesses that necessitated emergency trips back home and family illnesses that necessitated time away from work. Family always comes first and I’ve had to figure the rest out. It is what it is. I’ve let some deadlines pass and turned in some things late because family comes first. Recently, I have talked to several new mothers as they returned to work after the birth of their children. I tell them all the same thing. Being a working mother is the hardest thing I have ever done. Work life balance is a fallacy, shoot for work life contentment. Sometimes I am content blowing off deadlines to put up Christmas trees and sometimes I send friends to sit with my children at school events. Neither of those scenarios are in balance, but I am content with them. We need to be OK with this. We need to support our fellow mothers through this.
Working moms. Work life balance is a fallacy, shoot for work life contentment. Sometimes I am content blowing off deadlines to put up Christmas trees and sometimes I send friends to sit with my kids at school events. Share on X6. Social Media – committing to an online professional presence takes a lot of work. In an alternate life, maybe I’ll be a social media manager. Until then, you’re stuck with me muddling through the various platforms. All to try to bring awareness and light to our kids.
7. Me – Somewhere in all of this mad rush, especially during the holiday season, I need to take care of me. Right before I flew to Italy, I threw my back out. I had been ignoring it for weeks. It happened after I took a “break” in my exercise routine and gained some of those stubborn lbs back. I didn’t take care of myself and I paid for it. I recently had surgery – I thought about cancelling it because I didn’t want to take time off. I had the surgery. I’m glad I did (I hope it works)! I didn’t ‘forget’ to take care of myself – I consciously put myself last. Don’t be me.
The point of this post is that no one can do it all perfectly all the time, and that’s OK. Sometimes you just have to let it go and move on. Here’s to hoping you all have a blessed Holiday season and start the New Year with a little more pep in your step and big plans ahead!
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